Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Akiko and Philo... part 1

A couple of nights ago, I had a very good conversation with Akiko on Gmail… I thought it expressed some of my Opinions quite well and was a conversation perhaps worth sharing, so I have chosen to display it here on the ‘copter. I have opted not to fix any spelling or grammar mistakes, with the exception of punctuation and removing some of it from an “instant message” style of format. I have also removed some elements of the conversation for various reasons. The way I've cut them up makes them end sort of abruptly... Sorry.

Anyway, enjoy!

Part 1 – God, religion

Akiko: sam, an existential crises

me: what's wrong

Akiko: an existential crises

me: what's going on

Akiko: do you believe in a god

me: yes

Akiko: tell me why

me: i can't

Akiko: okay

me: at the core of me i believe that there is a fundamental power behind the universe. i don't necessarily believe in god in the Judao-Christian sense. i might be more inclined to believe in the buddhist form… is that your existential crisis? whether god exists? You might find this article interesting.

Akiko: no, more like realizing that humans are always trying to justify their existence, always trying to believe that they have importance. coming up with stuff like heaven. as if life were created just for people. coming up with a god who created humans in his image, yet this god has no faults and knows everything, and has rules

me: yeah, i think it's a massive problem to fashion god into a cognitive being

Akiko: yeah that's my problem with god

me: i think it's a logical problem to have. the belief in god as a singular, rational, cognitive being i think is the result of human insecurity

Akiko: and the belief that if we act upon this god's rules, we will be happy after we die

me: yeah

Akiko: but i mean, it's not just the concept of heaven in the sense that.. it's some sort of.. way to deal with the unknown… it's the way we use it to feel like people are everything. that life is for humans, and all this shit we fill our lives with, all this stuff, this chair i'm sitting on

me: well i don't know if i dislike the desire to deal with the unknown, so much as i'm frustrated by the fact that this heaven we've created is some sort of elite club, and now we kill people over it

Akiko: people can't survive without feeling like they have a purpose

me: that's true. i don't think there's anything wrong with a sense of purpose though

Akiko: but it's a false sense of purpose. it's a delusion. we don't need carpets.

me: how is carpeting a sense of purpose?

Akiko: creating and obtaining material goods. it's what keeps us from sitting in one place and doing nothing

me: for sure

Akiko: filling our lives with useless shit. it makes us think we're going somewhere in life, that we're making an impact

me: i agree that there is a ridiculousness to it all, and i think ultimately it matters where one's priorities are. i am a victim of materialism, to be certain

Akiko: few people are not

me: however, i have stock in certain ideals and priorities that makes it such that i don't feel guilty about it. it's certainly hard to be a westerner and not be materialistic, if not impossible

Akiko: it's not guilt i feel though

me: no but like i recognize that materialism is bullshit, but don't feel guilty about buying into the bullshit because i think my head is still in the right place. and i am not spiritually evolved enough yet to give it up, so i think i'm doing the best i can.

Akiko: but what good does it do to be spiritually evolved? even if we're buying into the materialistic bullshit, our lifespan is barely a blink in the universe

me: but spiritual evolution involves more than this life

Akiko: at least all these thoughts are making me want to sit down and make art

me: well, but by your same logic, then, your art should be equally meaningless

Akiko: i realize that

me: and so why is it a concession to you, then... or rather, why does it console you and feel worthwhile

Akiko: it doesn't make me feel worthwhile. and it doesn't console me. it's something to do with my hands. something i feel inspired to do. it won't change the way i feel. it won't mean anything to anyone when it's finished, just as i won't.

me: but you said "at least,” which suggests worth

Akiko: that's true

me: (it's not true to say that you or the things you do won't mean anything to anyone)

Akiko: lately i have lost interest in everything i have always been interested in. i haven't sewn, or drawn, or played music in a very long time. these are all things that i have been passionate about for a good portion of my life. so in my stupid, tiny little world, at least i feel like doing one of these things… which is a consolation in the sense that i feel a little bit more like myself, but not a consolation to the thought that everything i do is pointless, which, right now, stands on a higher step

me: everything you do matters because everything you do influences the future, regardless of your emotional impact on other human beings, which i think you also shouldn't undersell. you have a quantifiable impact on the world, and, thus, the universe.

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